Apparently I’m an asshole for not feeding someone’s ego. In case you were wondering.
liking Katy Perry != homophobia
In my spare time, I like to read drama happening on the internet. The drama I stumbled across related to whether people like Katy Perry. According to some, if you are so much as neutral towards Katy Perry, you don’t care about the civil rights of not-straight people.
Because, you know, having dubious taste in something means you support everything that other people can extract from said something. I’d probably like Twilight too, in the same “this is so ridiculous, I can’t help myself” way. It doesn’t mean I think that the best relationship ever would be a codependent, passive-aggressive mess.
…then the same people who stick their nose up at Katy Perry pass around a spoof video… that’s the same thing. Only it’s a guy kissing guys to get the attention of girls, so it’s obviously much superior to “I kissed a girl,” because it’s ok when guys do that sort of thing, but not girls?
So much for going to Nationals. Or, you know, graduating.
Can you do anything right? Why must you screw up my life in addition to your own?
If I can’t graduate this year, I’ll never forgive you. It’d be the epitome of everything you’ve never done for me.
As much as I claim that I don’t like planning and prefer to live life as it comes, I actually get quite nervous if I haven’t planned out at least a couple of options for my future, even if I am reluctant to make a final decision. I have a loose tree sketched out, that depends more on the general flow of life than me consciously deciding what to do.
Current life plan:
go to Japan (3 mo.) -> bum around for a year in Boston (find a short-term job, while applying for grad school/long-term job, and do tkd a lot (ideally)) -> proceed with life
go to Japan (1 yr.) -> explore Japan/east Asia (while padding resume researching) -> apply for grad school/long-term job while in Japan -> return to US and proceed with life
proceed with life -> BE-related phd -> academia/industry
|-> masters in CS -> bioinformatics
|-> mba -> consulting
|-> job in industry/consulting
Thus, I have put off all decision-making for… a while, at least if/until I have to decide how long I’m staying in Japan. At the same time, at least I have some idea of what I’m doing in the future… even if I don’t.
Lately, I feel like I’ve been living my life according to other people’s standards. This is not a problem; it’s good, I think, to borrow inspiration from other people when our own methods aren’t working. On the other hand, a lot of people in my life have similar goals to one another that seem vastly different from what I think I want out of life.
For example, I’ve found that it’s very difficult, if not impossible, for me to work for days, weeks on end, just for a grade. I can’t think or accomplish much when exposed to extensive sleep deprivation. It takes an extraordinary amount of work and a compelling reason for me to stay up all night, much less do work for that period of time. I don’t have my future meticulously planned out, nor do I wish to do so.
I need to relearn how to live my life my way. I need to learn how to be functional while maintaining at least a basal level of happiness, because I don’t have the desire to live an unhappy life.
Getting a B+ sucks. Getting more than one – depressing. Especially when I needed to bring up my GPA this past semester. Self, way to almost succeed.
because i’m bored
1) Do you always answer your phone?
usually, unless i don’t notice or don’t recognize the phone number
2) It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
i don’t usually get text messages, especially at awkward hours of the night. i guess it’d be someone on the west coast (shelly, erika) or someone who pulls all-nighters often (han, er… other crazy premeds?)
3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
why would i change my eye color from awesome?
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
err, you can do this?
5) Do you own a digital camera?
yep; it’s a great blackmailing tool 
6) Have you ever had a pet fish?
when i was a kid. thinking of getting one again, because they’re low-maintenance.
7) Favorite Christmas song?
itsuka no merry christmas, because i <3 b’z 
What’s on you wish list for your birthday?
since i just had my birthday… not much. perhaps food.
9) Can you do push ups?
heck yeah. up to 25 or so, i think, depending on how much working out i’ve been doing recently and how tired i am.
10) Can you do a chin up?
depends on the position
11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
depends on my mood
12) Do you have any saved texts? Who are they from and what do they say?
only recently-sent texts, because i don’t clean out my inbox that much. mostly about making plans over break.
13) Ever been in a car wreck?
yeah. hence why i don’t drive anymore.
14) Do you have an accent?
i can do an american accent… in japanese.
15) What is the last song to make you cry?
probably moon crying, by koda kumi. the music video is so sad 
16) Plans tonight?
not besides talking to my kanojo (other plans for tonight – owning people in strategy games – have already been executed)
17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
probably not. things can always get worse?
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
hahahahaha no.
19) Have you ever been given roses?
at some point.
20) Current worry?
failing at life
21) Current hate right now?
eh, none in particular
22) Met someone who changed your life?
a few, here and there… mostly at MIT
23) How did you bring in the New Year?
err, don’t remember last year (probably slept through it); this year is probably getting drunk, continuing my L word marathon
24.) What song represents you?
during the school year, it’s pinch me, by barenaked ladies
25) Name three people who might complete this?
oh i don’t know.
26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
probably not. though this year was pretty interesting, if nothing else.
27)Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
yeah
28) Do you have any tattoo/piercing?
nope
29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
i hope so? ^^
30) Does anyone love you?
uh, probably
31) Would you be a pirate?
no way, everyone knows ninjas >> pirates
32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
if i did sing in the shower, it’d be miss you, by m-flo. such an addicting song.
33) Ever had someone sing to you?
i… don’t think so. oh wait. maybe.
34)When did you last cry?
err. when i last had a reason to.
35) What is in your pocket?
i’m not wearing pockets.
36) Do you cuddle?
^__________^
37) Have you held hands with anyone today?
myself
38) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
i think it was jihye being all sketchy with the knives while cooking for the banquet
39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
country
40) How many TVs do you have in your house?
idk, there’s a few here; one in my dorm room
41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
probably new, as most of my old friends are 1000 miles a way for 90% of the year
42) Do you like pulpy orange juice?
yep ^^
43) What is something your friends make fun of you for?
sketching on freshman freshmen
44) Have you ever ridden an elephant?
i don’t think so…
45) Do you like to play Scrabble?
not particularly
46) What are you saving your money up for right now?
a functional bike or laptop
47) When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
not sure, don’t really eat jelly
48) What song do you want played at your funeral?
anything by m-flo or maximum the hormone; something like “BOOM CLAP BOOM BOOM BOOM CLAP” will cut the tension right away
49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
your mom? actually, probably playing acquire (which i totally won)
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
huh, that was a nice dream… what was it about, again?
being home
Advantages:
- guilt-free bumming around
- ability to catch up on all the TV that I didn’t have the time to watch during the semester
- free food
- seeing people I only see once a year
Disadvantages:
- no cookie time
- getting out of shape
- listening to idiots (including, but not limited to, those related to me) lament the fact that only stupid people have tried to assassinate Obama thus far
I mean, really. It’s not like Obama has, you know, taken office or anything. The only offensive thing he’s done – that I can tell – is be an intelligent black man. Perhaps it’s a combination of the fact that he’s an “elitist” – you know, one of those fools who dare make something of their lives – and the fact that he’s black – it must be insulting that a person who you look down upon because they look differently than you can accomplish more than you could have ever dreamed of doing.
I wonder if this means that they look down on me and talk badly about me when I’m not around. Things like “oh, well, you know, she goes to one of them liberal colleges up in the northeast” or “you know, i don’t understand why she hangs out with them black people when she’s home” or “i bet she thinks she’s too good for us normal people” as if being normal white trash who only associates with other normal white trash is something to aspire to become.
This is why I hate going home.
